Pastor Paul’s Musings

It’s late Sunday night, and we are officially exhausted! A good exhausted though! An emotional weekend having Jonathan here for his first home visit in over a year is coming to an end.

He arrived Thursday evening, where we picked him up at LAX. As soon as we got home, Charlie (his/our dog), recognized him immediately. Charlie is NOT a licker, but he just about licked Jonathan’s face right off!! He just went on and on in excitement over their reunion!

On Friday, we had a home visit with our County Case Manager. She missed meeting with him her last time at Heritage three weeks ago because we had him off campus at our visit there. So, we arranged for her to come in for a meeting while he was here. That seemed to go pretty well.

Jonathan spent the rest of Friday on a couple of grocery shopping trips with me for the preparation for today’s open house we held for him. We had heavy rain all day Friday (which is a nice break of weather for us), so the time we spent at home was in front of the fireplace. Josh had a few different appointments on and off through the day, so it was a busy day in our household.

On Saturday, some long time friends of the boys and our family came in from Temecula. We ventured over to the Wildlife Learning Center in Sylmar. Jonathan is an animal lover and we had never been to this place before. It wasn’t much of a big deal, but was fun to spend an hour or so at anyway. After that, we picked up another close friend of Jonathan’s who we had arranged to come spend Saturday night with us.

Today, after church this morning, we had the open house from 1:00 until 6:00 pm. BBQ’d burgers and chicken and hosted a slew of friends, family and such. It was so great to see the show of support for Jonathan and our family that has been built over the years. Jonathan seemed to have a genuinely good time seeing everyone.

Tonight, we’re just tired, but as mentioned, it’s a good tired. Tomorrow, he’ll board the plane to head back for the next season at Heritage. I’ll get to see him again May 17-21, when Heritage has their next Parent Conference. It’ll be a few days of some really good education, as well as some good time spent with Jonathan while I’m there. (Colleen isn’t planning on making this trip due to work and some other upcoming travel.)

From there, we think his next home visit will be an extended one during his next school break in August. We anticipate that trip will be 7-10 days long. That will be our first real test. This weekend was a test, but it’s intentionally short to minimize stress, re-acquaint him with home, and give an opportunity to see how he functions back in the original, formerly troubled, environment.

I think we all did well for his first time back. We can see more that needs to take place, but overall, he and we did very well. Our hearts are glad!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.”

Those were the opening lines of A Tale of Two Cities, written by Charles Dickens. What makes it one of the all-time greatest pieces of literature is that he could be talking about ANY place and time, and even topic, in history.

Therefore, today I propose that he’s talking about TEXTING! Yes, I said that I think Dickens is talking about texting. You did NOT mis-read me.

Specifically, I think Dickens is addressing textpectations. Don’t go to your dictionary. You won’t find it there. It’s a Kuzma-ism. It means “text expectations”.

Here are mine, in hopes it may communicate and create some reasonability for those I text, those that text me, and those who may one day be in textversation with me:

• I text because of how easy it is to drop a question, comment, or care note without having to bother someone with the time-intense necessary pleasantries a phone call draws out. I don’t expect that everyone texts for the same reasons.

• I converse through text only when invited to do so, whether directly or indirectly, by way of a response that invites longer interaction. Oftentimes, I might ask to transition such textversations to phone calls or face to face meetings.

• When I text you for the first time and receive a quick response, the bar is set for the future. I tend to expect a response to future texts, but please know that I do NOT expect an immediate response.

• I expect that your life is busy too; that you’re not waiting around for me to text you so that you can text me back right away. I expect the same understanding if I can’t get back to you right away.

What are some of your texpectations?

Friday morning, Jonathan and I both got up early. Actually, he always gets up early. The only different is that I got up early. Either way, it was just the two of us for a while. He ate breakfast, I enjoyed watching him, and we both took turns at initiating some good conversation.

After Colleen and Josh woke up, we walked through the task of packing up from our week and took off for Provo. On the way out of Midway, we stopped at a couple places. One was a cute shop made out of a barn built around 125 years ago, called “All That Stuff In The Barn.” I picked up a couple of neat sign art pieces for my office and the church foyer.

You see a pic of them here. I love their simple message, surrounded on each side by a butterfly wing, emphasizing the truth of the statement!

Then, we stopped again at Heber Valley Cheese, remembering that they make their cheeses on Fridays. We watched the process for a few minutes and one of the workers came out to tell us about it and offer some extremely fresh cheddar curds, which tasted like styrofoam at this point in their process. You can see Josh, Jonathan and I here hanging in a block of swiss cheese.

We also took a snapshot of the Shire house I mentioned the other day as well for you. YOU can live here….not just a movie set. It was just amazing looking!

From there, we made our way back to Heritage, where we had a good therapy session, dealing with how the week went and what needs to be worked on from here to continue re-building trust and healthier relationships. After that, we took Jonathan out to lunch, window shopped a couple of pet stores and then brought him back to Heritage.

I gotta say, it’s always hard to leave! He has no emotional issues with it, it seems. He does fine with the departures. I, on the other hand, am a total mess! I did much better this time, but it’s always hard to leave. At the same time, in many ways, I hope it never gets easier.

We drove about 300 miles back to Mesquite, and this time, we found a great place to stay that I would highly recommend. It’s called Highland Estates Resort, and they’re all 1 bedroom condos. Made for a comfortable, clean, quiet place to stay and rest on the way. It was also only $99 for a weekend night.

Right as I post this update, we are departing Mesquite, 380 miles and probably about 7 hours from home including stretch breaks. Colleen seems to be doing well with stretch breaks every 2 hours. Not without stiffness, and hopefully, it will at least keep deeper stiffness from settling in like December’s trips.

See you at home!

We started off a bit earlier today, at least for us! After breakfast, it was on to The Living Planet Aquarium. Not a big one, but definitely an adventure, filled with great fish (the kind for looking, not eating….I don’t do fish!), for both viewing and even touching for some!

The day warmed up quite nicely, reminding us of home, at a beautiful 70°! We made our way north to Salt Lake City. On the way, we stopped at Ronie’s Love of Birds, a wonderful exotic bird shop that used to sell birds and supplies. Now, after several years of not being able to compete with breeders and seeing how ill-equipped most folks are to really care well for their birds, she no longer sells. She only adopts and then adopts birds out once she has nursed them to health. Jonathan’s love of animals really shines around and about birds of all kinds, so it was a treat and more education for him.

From there, we meandered through some of Salt Lake City’s side streets, enjoying the depth of some of the older home architecture. We landed for several minutes at Olympic Cauldron Park, the location of the 2002 Winter Olympics cauldron and medals stand. The boys weren’t much impressed, but nicely obliged as Colleen and I ooh’d and ahh’d at some neat history and snapped a few souvenir pictures.

Next, we found our way to Hogle Zoo. We spent a great couple hours enjoying the animals and basking in the sun. But there was a larger purpose here. Several months ago, after Jonathan had been at Heritage a short time, a friend recommended that I sign up for emails with Groupon and Living Social out of Salt Lake City to see what deals may come our way since we knew trips here were in our future.

One that I snapped up was a great deal on a one-hour photo shoot on location near Salt Lake City with a professional photographer. It had been several years since we had a family portrait done, and I’ve loved the contemporary on-site shoots I had been seeing many friends have done. We couldn’t get it set for December’s trip, but we were finally able to do it today. Can’t wait to see how they turned out, but I suspect they’ll be great! I’ll post a bunch on my Facebook page when I can!

After we wrapped up the photo shoot, we stopped for dinner at a place called Cafe Rio. There are several of them throughout the area, and they’re reminiscent of Baja Fresh. We decided they’re even more fresh! The freshest (literally) flour tortillas I’ve ever had, which surely was why they were the tastiest as well. Our taste buds are peeled for an opportunity to indulge there again before we depart Utah!

Once we landed back in Midway, we hopped on ooVoo and spent some time with may parents in Texas and my sister in Simi Valley. For those unaware, ooVoo is an online video calling  service, and it beats Skype by miles I must say. If you do ANY video calling, ooVoo’s quality surpasses Skype and you can video conference with (theoretically, if you have enough internet speed) up to 12 other people!

Anyway, we had a great time catching up, and it’s a fantastic way for the rest of the family to spend some time with Jonathan. They obviously don’t get any time with him while he is at Heritage, unless on a home visit.

Which segues to the final thing I’ll mention for tonight. We’ve had a couple hiccups here and there with Jonathan, but nothing major. While he is very concerned that those hiccups will keep him from being able to do a home visit, we’ve tried to assure him we don’t believe they will. While they are minor hiccups in the large scheme of things, and I won’t go into details here, they are certainly things we will bring to our debrief therapy session tomorrow. These hiccups are the reason families do these visits. It’s kinda like working out the kinks on something that is hopefully being well overhauled.

That said, we are already planning for Jonathan’s first home visit to happen April 12-16. It will be short on purpose, because they know from experience that especially the first home visit can be overwhelming for the student AND family. It is the next step in the process of “testing” and “working out the kinks”. For those local to us that may want to see him, let me know and we’ll see what we can arrange.

Until tomorrow….

This morning, Colleen, Jonathan and I made breakfast together. His favorite: Chocolate Chip Pancakes. Josh slept in quite late, so the three of us ate together and had some really good conversation as well.

We’re so proud of how far Jonathan has come! At the same time, it’s always hard to know how much of the changes are an effort on his part to just get home, and how much will be real and lasting. In reality, there is NO way to tell for sure before he comes home. And we all realize that.

Talked a lot about where Jonathan is at, encouraging him to go further in looking at what got him to Heritage, and really receiving all the services they have to offer. He seems more open than ever, and we just encouraged him to really delve into why he got to where he did before he came here so he can learn how to keep from going to those places in his life again in the future. It was really deep, and really good.

We chose to spend the day together locally. There’s not a whole lot to do here in Midway, but the area is gorgeous. Even when we were here in December, we didn’t take the time to just stay here and look around and enjoy. So we did that today.

We visited the Homestead Crater, which is located right across the street from our complex. It’s a 55-foot tall, beehive-shaped limestone rock that nature has hollowed out and filled with 90° to 96° water. You can actually go swimming and scuba diving in it!

Then we spent a few hours just driving, walking and browsing Midway. I had seen a sign for a bakery (always a fave for me) that had a Black Forest Cupcake, and knew I had to get there! So we did. You may not know that I am an eclair connoisseur! It’s true! I try them anywhere I find them, as long as they’re filled with Bavarian Cream.

We browsed a local home decor store and drove the streets to look at houses. Architecture here is pretty eclectic. We had heard and read that the town has Swedish roots. The architecture shows that. But at the same time, while you drive by one house that looks like it came out of Little House on the Prairie or The Walton’s, right next door will be a house that looks like it comes from the future, not even the present! We even saw one house that looked EXACTLY like it could have been from the Shire in Lord of the Rings!

We also visited a local dairy, though operations were quiet. They only show off on Fridays, so we’re not sure we’ll get to see it in operation. We check out on Friday morning. Maybe on our way out of town.

The rest of the day was finally catching our season finale of The Walking Dead (don’t ask, it’s really something I do to connect with one of my sons!), reading (homework for me in my new class, Group Dynamics), napping, dinner, ping pong, a little TV here and there, and planning out tomorrow.

For now, since we’re in Salt Lake City all day tomorrow, I gotta get the assignment due tomorrow night done so it’s not hanging over my head. A great night to you!

We enjoyed a GREAT day today! After sleeping in a bit and lounging for the morning, weaving in and out of conversations, we left for a day in Provo.

We had hoped to get some snow tubing in. Last weekend, the area received what we heard was the most snowfall of the entire season. It wasn’t a whole lot by local standards, but we thought for sure it would be enough to get us some good tubing in. But alas, we discovered this morning that the season ended last Sunday! O well!

We stopped first at Pizza Pie Cafe, a buffet in Provo that’s been open a couple of years. I would have never thought it would be anything but different kinds of pizzas. The BEST part about it was that they served a half dozen different DESSERT pizzas beyond the differing types of pizzas they offered. It was really awesome! Apple Pie pizza, Peach Pie pizza, Oreo pizza, Cookie Dough pizza. Wow!

From there, we shot over to the University Mall to try and get Jonathan some shoes he needed. Well, all three of us boys ended up with shoes! For the longest time, I’ve been looking for slip on tennis shoes. I really like to wear my tennis shoes with the laces UNTIED. Drives Colleen nuts though!

I didn’t find the tennis shoes I wanted, but I did learn about stretch laces! Replacing my old laces with these, I now have SLIP ON TENNIS SHOES! Love it!

From there, we spent a good chunk of time at Barnes & Noble, a quirk of our family. We all pretty much enjoy just hanging at the book store, browsing, sipping coffee or smoothies and chatting. Done there, Jonathan wanted to browse and play at Best Buy. From there, we made our way back to Midway.

Can’t really say enough about this place and our friend who allowed us to use it. For only $53 a night, we get this incredibly nice and comfortable 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo. Instead of feeling like we need to “get out of the hotel” for lack of space, we feel like we’re home. It makes for much more comfortable conversation and being together.

All of that to say we had a really good day of flowing in and out of sometimes random, sometimes hilarious, sometimes deep, and sometimes insightful conversations together. Honestly, we have a hard time even getting Josh to spend time with us like this at home.

We realize this is a different setting than home, but it’s been refreshing so far to just be together as a family. Jonathan seems to be doing very well, and even though we know this setting isn’t like being at home, the changes we do see give us great hope for Jonathan’s future and the future of our family.

That was our day. Hope to catch up with you tomorrow!

Well, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend Virgin River as a hotel. Not a bad price, but the room was a bit step down from a Motel 6.

I don’t mind Motel 6 when I’m traveling on my own, but when Colleen is with me, I like to provide something nicer.

Again, the nice thing was having Starbucks right there!

We left Mesquite about 10 am PST and enjoyed a nice clear drive. Weather wasn’t an issue until we hit Cedar City, where it was snowing lightly.

Other than a few patches of sleet and freezing rain, it was quite clear. We arrived in Provo about 3:30 MST.

A bit of a ceremonial milestone: just as we entered the neighborhood Heritage is located in, we turned over the 100,000 mile mark on our van!

After a therapy session, we loaded up Jonathan’s stuff and made our way out to dinner. Jonathan’s favorite, Panda Express, of course.

While Colleen and the boys went for groceries, I found the local Costco for gas. $3.54 a gallon…nice!

Then we made our way up the hill and have now settled in to our condo at a timeshare in Midway. A friend who owns one was able to set us up as guests with a really nice and spacious 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo for only $52 a night! Can’t beat that anywhere and it makes family time awesome, not feeling like we always have to be out like we would in a hotel.

Spending the evening talking about plans for the week. Jonathan is learning that he needs a lot of structure in order to do well, so we’ve given him the task of planning out our week so there’s not too much down time for him. He’s done a pretty good job so far!

That’s all for now. More later…

After a great morning at church, we left town about 1:30 pm. We’re headed to see Jonathan for a visit this week! Last time we did this drive in December, we did it straight through. Took us 13 hours, and while Colleen’s joints did OK on the drive itself, she paid for it in pain and stiffness a few days later. She feels like she’s just now recovering from that trip!

So, instead of driving straight through, we stopped every 2 hours for a stretch break. Then we stopped here in Mesquite, Nevada (if you click on that link, you’ll notice there’s a Starbucks in this Casino!) at Virgin River Casino & Hotel. Don’t judge me! It’s cheap and still nice accommodations. Most unfortunately, the TV service is also cheap. Most of the time, that’s no big deal. Tonight, it is. The season finale of The Walking Dead is on, and the hotel doesn’t have access to the AMC Channel!

Josh & I are bummed! We’ll hopefully catch it tomorrow night on the website, and in the mean time, try to avoid all the Facebook comment spoilers!

We’ll leave here in the morning and do the remaining drive to Heritage School in Provo, Utah. We’ll do a family therapy session before taking Jonathan with us, where we’ll stay in Midway, Utah for the week. On Friday, we’ll take Jonathan back to Heritage for another family therapy session reviewing the week. Then, we’ll leave for the drive about halfway, arriving home on Saturday.

I wasn’t successful in December, but will try to update throughout the week. Presuming all goes well with this visit, we’ve scheduled for Jonathan to do his first home visit April 12-16.

G’night all!

Wow! That’s all I have to say about how long it’s been since I’ve updated everyone here.

It’s a 80°+ WINTER day here in beautiful Southern California. It’s quite something to experience this incredible weather while tracking the news of devastating storms and tornadoes throughout the Midwest and South.

While Josh’s birthday was over 2 weeks ago, his party is today. He’s 17, and decided he would celebrate with what is expected to be about 30 friends (I don’t know who approved that many people) with a huge 50′ long bouncer! Kinda crazy, but it’s keeping them busy and they’re howling with laughter and games, so it’s all good!

Colleen is at work,having down all she could last night, bravely leaving Josh and I to finish the job today and get the party started. I think she’d be proud of us. We got the entire list done and were ready before the first guest arrived!

I last left you at the first of our trip to Heritage in December to see Jonathan. The trip was wonderful, we enjoyed being with Jonathan for his 16th birthday. We visit him next in two weeks, leaving after church on the 18th, arriving there the 19th. We’ll be with him until that Friday, arriving home on Saturday, back home in plenty of time for church on Sunday. From there, we expect his first home visit to occur sometime in April. Likely Easter weekend.

Jonathan is progressing well. As has always been, not without challenges, but that’s just part and parcel, not just for him, but the whole process in general. We still do not have a timeline for his return home. Our 1 year IEP (Individualized Education Plan) Review happens with the school district IEP Team and Heritage Treatment Team on March 30. That will be a big meeting that may, or may not, reveal a lot for us.

While Colleen and I miss Jonathan a lot, and have gone through a couple of down seasons emotionally with not having him here, we are pretty settled with having him at Heritage. The more time and experience passes with them, the more sold we are on the work they do.

While they can’t guarantee how kids will absorb their work, and we hear of a number that don’t, the work they’re doing is so strong and healthy. We know Jonathan’s odds for success are so much greater the more time and work he receives there. We have considered that if it looks like he will be there longer than we would have expected, we may pick up the pace of visits of us to him and him to us to help him endure. He now claims to really like it there and only wishes to have more visits than we’ve done so far.

An interesting dilemma we may face is the length of time the school and county will continue to fund his time there. We were recently informed that the state of California has changed the laws so that school district now pay 100% of the bill for residential placements, rather than allowing them to split the bill with County Behavioral Health Departments. That means that IEP Teams are now placing much more emphasis on how a student is doing academically and a lot less emphasis on how they’re doing behaviorally or psychologically in making decisions about how long they will fund placements.

Jonathan is doing exceptionally well in school there. However, he is in a residential, very highly structured environment where he has no choice but to attend school and do his work to make his way through the program’s phases to receive more and more privileges. All said, March 30 will be an interesting day for us!

Colleen’s heart condition has now cleared up symptomatically. She has been off steroids for about 2 months now and is very happy about that. Downside is that the prednisone was taking care of all the other lupus symptoms, and those are now back to old and sometimes a bit greater levels. But she is the strong woman she has always been as she forges ahead each day!

I say she has “cleared up symptomatically” because we had figured that meant she was physically clear. She saw the cardiologist this week, who said all sounds and looks good, but he wants to do an echo cardiogram in 2 months just to be sure the condition is actually all gone.

Josh continues to do well in his independent study charter school. He’s hoping to finish his Junior year there at the end of May so he can do his Senior year at Simi High. We’re not sure if that’s going to happen, but that’s the goal for now.

In many ways, he seems to be flourishing without Jonathan home. We’ve been pursuing some help to offer him a place to be able to process his past experiences with Jonathan. He doesn’t necessarily feel he needs it, but we see some things from time to time that tell us it would be a good thing for him to have a safe place to process.

I’m still making my way through my Master’s program through Liberty University. Next Friday, my current class, “Counseling the Adolescent”, will end. That’s my 6th out of 10 classes. If I keep up my pace, I’ll finish my last class in December. It’s been tiring, but also very invigorating at the same time!

That’s the latest from our home front! How about yours?

We drove straight through on Sunday, leaving Simi Valley about 3:15 pm and arriving at our hotel in Provo, Utah, almost exactly 11 hours later. After sleeping in, we went to Heritage and reunited with Jonathan. It was a wonderful feeling and a great reunion.

We had lunch at Kneader’s, an AWESOME place if you’re ever here. Well, Colleen and I got our lunch there anyway. Jonathan and Josh decided they wanted …. McDonald’s. Whatever!

After spending the afternoon together, we dropped  Jonathan off back at Heritage until the show this evening. He did awesome! They ALL did incredible! You can see a couple minutes of video on my Facebook page. One of the aspects that Heritage is known for among residential therapeutic schools is their top-notch performing arts program. Every aspect of the program was excellent, from sets to costumes to the performing arts center to the acting, dancing and music. It really was incredible!

Somewhat unfortunately, this is also the last week of the class I’m enrolled in. That means a couple of assignments to do, including completing my 10+ page research paper, a 50 question quiz based on reading I’m a bit behind in and a couple of discussion board replies. All due Friday night by 10:00 pm (Utah time). I’ve been whittling away at that a little bit at a time throughout yesterday, today and tonight.

In the morning, we’ll do family therapy at 9:30 am, come back to the hotel to check out and head to Midway, Utah. It’s about 30 miles from here. We’ll be there until Friday, when we bring Jonathan back to Heritage and have another family therapy session before heading toward home.

That’s it for now. I’ll be posting through the week.