Wherever You Go, There You Are

The last two days have been a bit hard to get my mind around. Colleen and I are at El Capitan Canyon, north of Santa Barbara. We around 3:30 Sunday afternoon. I drove from home to one of our favorite produce stands in Somis. Colleen drove from there.

Throughout this physical challenge, I haven’t felt confident enough to drive much distance. That’s a bummer since driving, especially longer distances, is one of my favorite things to do in all the world! I was hoping to make this drive, but the stomach said otherwise.

I highly recommend the place we are staying. Click the link above to check it out for yourself. It is very unique. We stayed here one night in August 2008 as a surprise getaway during vacation (stay-cation at the time) in one of their “tent cabins”. It was great fun and very romantic.

On Sunday evening, we had unloaded our stuff from the van and Colleen moved it to the parking lot (they don’t allow vehicles parked next to their cabins, whether tent or regular). On her way back, she took a slight detour to soak in the atmosphere and see where the road would lead. That little excursion turned into a mountain lion sighting! She was thrilled!

This morning, before we left to come to the Santa Barbara area we were enjoying the sights of multiple woodpeckers and robins around our cabin. Just outside our front door, beyond our own picnic table and firepit, is a creek that is rushing by with water from our recent rainstorms. At night, the frogs are so loud, they can almost keep you awake!

Unfortunately, El Capitan Canyon is very pricey. However, I get emails from them regularly, and last August, they offered an incredible rate if you booked for nights between January 1 and March 31 and paid in full back then.

So, I’ve had this planned for months. We usually retreat ourselves away somewhere for our anniversary (March 15), so I thought this would be perfect timing. It probably still is, regardless of how I am feeling physically.

A number of folks we’ve shared about our trip with mentioned, “Oh, you must be feeling better”. Well, sorry to say, not really. Colleen even suggested changing the dates, but her schedule would not allow it until well after March 31.

So I decided, “I can feel miserable at home, or I can feel miserable in the woods alone with my incredible wife.” We are glad to be able to say we really are best friends, and share a relationship that we both readily admit to others that we love to be with each other.

That trivia-minded, “get to know you”, question …. “If you were stranded on a remote island and could have only one person with you, who would it be?” …. Colleen, without a doubt. We just enjoy being together just the two of us.

What’s hard to get my mind around is being in such a gorgeous location and just not feeling quite up to wandering around and exploring the surroundings. Colleen loves to hike, but my current condition finds me unable to walk much distance without needing to settle down and rest. I am thankful that she seems to not mind.

Actually, right now, I’m sitting in a Borders café while she is out and about making her way through the local thrift stores. We both love the Santa Barbara area, and the thrift stores are one of her favorite things to do when we’re here.

Since I can’t do much walking, she suggested dropping me here (if you know me, you know I was NOT opposed to that suggestion!) while she wandered the thrift stores. I perused the newly released book aisles and the biographies and memoirs section, and have been catching up on some reading, both offline and online. That’s a good day for me!

Tomorrow (Wednesday), we’ll head home in time for my 3:45 pm doctor’s appointment where we will get the results of my recent detailed liver blood work and the two tests I went through last week. I am hoping for some answers. We’ll see. I will most likely post tomorrow evening sometime with those results.

Tags: El Capitan, El Capitan Canyon, Goleta, Paul Kuzma, Santa Barbara

Not feeling any different today physically, but it has been a gracious day. I had the opportunity to officiate the wedding of a young couple in our church. The bride’s family has been a part of our church from her early years.

A man came into her life some time ago and swept her off her feet. Today they exchanged their vows and I had the privilege of officiating.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have this deep-seated passion to be in one place of ministry for a long time. And, that’s why it was a gracious day.

You see, I L …. O …. V ….E watching families grow throughout all the joys and pains of life. And every once in a while, I get to see the rewards of hanging around long enough.

This doesn’t get to happen for many pastors, because we tend to be a mobile group. Last I heard, the average tenure of a Pastor at one church is about four years. I’m in my 25th year at NewHeart, and I can’t express how much I love having been here through the highs AND the lows of family life.

Today was a gracious day. Thanking God for His grace in allowing me every once in a while to glimpse my dream!

Tags: long term ministry, ministry, Pastor

How’s THAT for an honest post title? Feeling crappy. Not just physically, but emotionally. Maybe even spiritually right now.

Not only do I not feel a whole lot better after 7 weeks and 33 pounds of fighting this stomach thing, but now my kids have just left for Youth Group. I know … shouldn’t I be feeling GOOD about that?

Well, yeah. Except for the fact that I was yelling at them on their way out and that I’ve been short with them the last couple of hours. Let alone that some of what irks me is that I had to FORCE them to go to Youth Group.

Your next thought? “Really, aren’t you the Pastor?” Uh …. yup!

I’ve actually tried my darndest NOT to force my boys to go to church. They’re under enough of a microscope being Pastor’s kids, even though I think our church is GREAT at letting my boys just be kids. I don’t want to add to the pressure by forcing them to go. But sometimes, ya just gotta!

I don’t necessarily feel crappy about making them go. I just feel crappy about being short with them. They don’t deserve my frustration.

‘Nuff said.

On the health front, another test tomorrow morning, then we meet with the GI doc next Wednesday for results of the liver blood work, yesterday’s test and tomorrow’s test. In the meantime, honestly? Just feeling crappy. Thanks for letting me!

I am starting to feel like this digestive tract issue is just an ongoing saga! Felt like I was making some progress, albeit slow, until last Thursday.

The pain and nausea intensified and became constant and have continued as such since. Saw my regular doc on Friday, who is concerned about peritonitis. Gave me Zofran for nausea because the Tigan wasn’t effective. Well, neither is the Zofran.

Hoped to see my GI doc today, but couldn’t get in until Thursday afternoon. Will have to see how long I can hold out, though they have me on a cancellation list to see if I can get in earlier.

I am really tired of all this and am looking forward to some relief somewhere sometime. The nausea, burning, lightheadedness that often comes from just not eating much. Man, it’s wearing me out.

We’re observing Lent at NewHeart this year. Me personally, I’d like to give up all the pain and nausea for the next 40 days! Apparently, I don’t have much power over that decision!

Anyway, appreciate your thoughts and prayers! Will keep all posted as I know more!

Well, Tuesday gave me a lot of hope, but the last 3 days have given me more wonderment (if that’s a word).

Overall, I can say I am feeling improvement versus a couple weeks ago, but it is s…l…o…w…going. A number of the symptoms I battled the first 3 weeks have pretty much subsided. Sweats/chills, fatigue at ALL times (down to parts of each day), mental fog/inability to concentrate (able to focus a bit longer each day). Those all seem to be improving.

Pain and nausea are a little less in intensity and more intermittent than constant, except in the evening and through the night. Have been on Nexium for the gastritis for 2 weeks now and Asacol for the colitis for 1 week. Hard to tell how much difference they’re making yet, though it may be just slow recovery.

Watching the 2010 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony with Colleen tonight. Tried to get the boys to watch with us, but no-go for them. Very sad for us all the death of the Georgian luge athlete today.

Josh turns 15 on Tuesday, so we’re celebrating with family on Sunday evening. Can’t believe I’ve got 14 and 15 year old sons. Amazing!

Little bit of a funny title because we just watched the movie “Up” as a family. Very cute movie with some tremendous life lessons.

Just a quick update …. today was much, much better for the abdomen! Spent most of the day WITHOUT pain and/or nausea! The only time I experienced problems were again whenever I ate anything.

I ventured into a few bites of turkey for lunch. Not lunchmeat turkey, but REAL turkey. Colleen cooked one for Super Bowl Sunday. I could eat real turkey all year long, and wish I could!

Anyway, this evening was a little rough with some pain and nausea, but not for as long or as intense as what I’ve experienced the last 4+ weeks. So I am thanking God for that and trusting that this is the turnaround day I’ve been waiting for!

It’s nice to have some sense of “normalcy” in the physical!

After my last post, I realized that the more I think about it, the more I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet in having a pre-cancerous polyp removed from my colon that wasn’t even the issue being searched for in my recent colonoscopy!

I also realized that I didn’t share with you another good thing that has come from this whole experience …. I’ve lost my holiday pounds! And then some, actually. I’ve lost 22 pounds in the last 4 weeks! I wouldn’t suggest my “diet” to anyone, but it is one good thing that has occurred in this mess.

Sunday was great! Not necessarily physically, as I struggled with nausea on and off and the sweats as well. But spiritually and emotionally, it was great to be able to be back with the NewHeart family. I realized it was my first time with the Church this year!

Watched the Super Bowl with some friends of ours, and was glad to see the Saints take it. Neither team was close to my heart, but the story of New Orleans and all they’ve been through recovering from Hurricane Katrina, and then Drew Brees’ own personal story …. ya gotta admit that’s powerful stuff!

Went grocery shopping today for the first time in weeks, but was glad to only do one store. Usually do two. This morning felt like it was gonna be a good day, but after breakfast of my protein shake and one piece of toast, it was nausea the rest of the day! Doggone it!

Every day I wake up hoping “this is gonna be the day” that the turnaround happens! Not today I guess. Still waiting for the meds to kick in and wipe out the pain and nausea.

Tags: colitis, gastritis

For those who are wondering where I’ve been lately, I wanted to finally go ahead and give an update here. It’s actually been a dim few weeks of uncertainty about my physical health.

I mentioned a little bit in my last post about how I was feeling physically, but that was way back in week 1. Today marks week 4 of not feeling well at all!

As I’ve gone from one doctor appointment to another, they’ve thought everything from diverticulitis to the most recent, and probably right, diagnoses of “gastritis with some erosion” (meaning it was on its way to becoming an ulcer) and colitis.

That’s the short story. It’s had me down physically for 4 weeks today, and as anyone who has gone through an uncertain illness or even a known disability can tell you, it’s been difficult to truly rest because of feeling miserable and uncertain.

One very good thing that came of all this is that the colonoscopy caught a polyp that turned out to be pre-cancerous, which means it had a chance at turning into cancer. Guess there’s a lot to be said for early screening, even before 50 years old (I’m 44).

For those who are into details, feel free to keep reading, but start from the bottom in this post to get the progression. What you’ll see are the emails I’ve sent to family and a small circle of co-workers and friends as the journey has progressed. It’s sure to be TMI (too much info) for some, so feel free to skip it.

Appreciate your prayers!

Tags: colitis, colon cancer, gastritis, polyps, pre-cancerous

We were 12 hours into a cross-country trip in a 34 ‘ RV with 4 adults and 4 kids. The trip went well, except for one thing.

Hours, maybe even minutes, after posting that update, I began to feel the chills. I was soon in the driver’s seat for my next shift, my sinuses began to ache, all the follicles on my body were hurting, and I couldn’t pump the heater warm enough to keep the chills away.

Needless to say, I was more than ready to go out when my shift was over. I ended up spending the next four days recovering. It was a good thing we had no plans while in Texas other than to be together and not do much of anything, at least until later in the week.

Overall, the trip was GREAT! Everyone had a good time, no conflicts that happen just because they do when family is together, just good ‘ole times just hanging out. Movie nights, the kids playing games, adults sitting around jabbing and jawing.

Just the way I remember it about my childhood. Exactly how I sometimes long for family life to happen. It was awesome.

My head cold seemed to settle into my chest, but then cleared in time for me to feel somewhat normal on Thursday (New Year’s Eve).

We left Saturday morning and arrived home Sunday afternoon, and again, the trip went very well. Well enough that we’re talking about doing it again this Summer for the same purpose.

Anyway, first week home seemed to go OK, but last Saturday evening, during a friend’s wedding reception, I started to take a bit of a health dive. Stomach upset, chills, sweats, lethargy.

Thought I’d sleep it off for Sunday morning, but when the alarm rang, it was still there, only worse. For the first time in a LONG time, I called in sick on a Sunday morning, an especially big bummer for me because it was our final day in the Sanctuary before our big remodel and move out was happening all afternoon. I REALLY wanted to be there for all of that.

I ended up in bed for the whole day, even WITHOUT the NFL playoffs, as some surmised was my motive. ;^)

It’s Tuesday night, and my body seems to not want to decide if we’re going the down route or going the up route. Monday and today were iffy. Sinuses seem to be clear, except at my forehead, and my ears have been popping throughout the day.

My doctor is out of town until Monday, so I am trying everything from prayer (you know it) to various herbal and over the counter remedies coming my way. Appreciate your prayers.

For now, off to bed for some mindless reading and/or TV, and praying for Haiti in the aftermath of their huge earthquake today.

It’s the end of a long couple of weeks. Jonathan’s birthday on December 14th ended a big weekend for us.

As well as Jonathan’s birthday on that Sunday, that Saturday night we did our Annual Church Staff & Council Christmas Gathering. I try to make it a very nice surprise of an event, and this year did not disappoint.

An almost three hour drive to Riley’s Farm in Oak Glen in driving rain for a Christmas In The Colonies was a big hit. The rain, not so much. But the dinner was fabulous and the fellowship with an amazing group of leaders was phenomenal.

The weekend  was quickly followed with an anticipated decision-making process on our church building project. After a number of years processing concepts with the city, we finally received our building permit in November. The bidding process began immediately, and December 15 was the deadline for contractors to have their bids in.

The morning of the 15th sadly began with the unanticipated news of the death of Colleen’s last surviving grandmother, Grandma Marge Henderson. Her death added to the list of things happening that week that couldn’t really be unplugged without significant disruption to lots of other “dominoes”.

The process of deciding upon a contractor was difficult and longer than I expected, but on the morning of Christmas Eve, we finally made our decision. Our contractor will be a company called Focus Building Solutions from Santa Clarita. It was a very difficult decision for a lot of reasons, but I really believe Focus will do a fabulous job and am very excited we’ll be working with them. You can check out their website for some of the work they’ve done.

Last weekend, Grandma Marge’s death brought family into town that we didn’t expect but thoroughly enjoyed. Colleen’s brother, Sean, and his family stayed with us, and we shared great family time every evening they were here, including Colleen’s parents and sister and her kids as well.

Now, here I am sitting in a 34′ RV on our way to Texas. We left this morning around 9:30 with my sister, April, her husband, Tom, and her two kids. There are eight of us total, and we’re driving straight through between Tom and I, hoping to arrive at my parents’ place (about 30 miles east of Dallas) around early afternoon tomorrow.

So far, it’s been a good trip. We’re almost 12 hours in and have covered almost 600 miles as of this writing. Total distance is just over 1,500 miles.

We’ll be there until next Saturday, January 2, set to arrive home the evening of Sunday, January 3. Should be a very unique trip!

Tags: Focus Building Solutions, riley's farm